Do you have any childhood memories of wanting something and hearing your parents bellow out…
“We can’t afford that?!”
Chances are…you do!
Many of the clients that I work with grew up in a home where the parents often explained that they would not be buying extras because the family couldn’t afford it.
“Who do you think we are, the Rockefellers?”
On one hand, I’ve got to hand it to our parent’s generation–they were not going into debt to buy you a Super Soaker water gun! They have likely been much more successful at living within their means than younger generations. But on the other hand, that line of thinking is so limiting for a young mind!
Instead of exploring the possibilities of how they could afford it, they simply dismissed the idea in a wave of a hand.
In my own family, I am deliberate about using words that are more empowering in regards to money. When my son wants something that he doesn’t have the funds for, I help him to come up with a budget and earning plan where he discovers how he could afford it eventually. If he sees that it will be a long slog to get there on an allowance, we brainstorm how he can earn extra money.
When my daughter wants to travel somewhere (she got the traveling gene from me!), we create a budget and save for the trip. We just got back from a trip that has been on my bucket list for a decade…New England in the fall🤩
Now let’s say that this holiday season, your son or daughter asks you for something that is expensive. Let’s compare the two reactions:
Statement: “No, we can’t afford that.”
Impact: Child feels a bit upset without hope for how he or she could acquire it.
Statement: “We did not budget for that this month. If it means a lot to you, I can show you how to plan and budget for it.”
Impact: Well the child may still feel a little disappointment, he or she knows that they CAN do something to change the outcome. Powerful!
If your child learns how to plan, budget and make a goal a reality, well, what could be better for a parent?! You have modeled a growth mindset, where you have agency over your finances and life!
While none of us are perfect parents (heaven knows!), there are simple corrections we can make in our own behavior that will have long-term effects on our children.
